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Motherhood … the identity & time thief

Becoming a mother can sometimes mean losing the woman you were before, especially the first few months when it is constant and there is no time to even wash let alone go for lunch with the girls.

There’s also judgement, so much judgement … as a mother you are supposed to behave in a certain manor, you’re supposed to be all about the children … oh but not too much about the children either, to surpass judgement you have to get the balance just right.

And even if no one is judging you, you think they are … or you’re judging yourself … welcome aboard mum guilt.

Not only do you have to behave a certain way… you must deal with the identity thief which is the postpartum body. What looked like a nice round firm bump is now a squishy mess, you’re peeing in your pants and need a rubber ring to even contemplate sitting down. Not to mention the destruction of your previously perk lady lumps for anyone who breastfed.

But we’re supposed to be overjoyed at this new life, the miracle that was created who now is no longer inside you but hanging off your boob, waking you every hour not even knowing what they want. Then there’s other children to add in the mix, “sleep when the baby sleeps” - yeh ok I’ll just leave my 3-year-old to it whilst I take 40winks, I’m also nesting don’t you know so housework OCD is a thing and one pair of socks on the floor could start a full on break down.

It doesn’t stop just after baby period though… then baby turns into child, and you have to contemplate how on earth you are going to make this mini person kind, non bitey (that would cause some judgement), highly intelligent (already researched scholarships), emotionally stable and a child who eats all their greens and would choose salmon en croute over chicken nuggets.

Then school - managing the balancing act of work, home, school clubs, healthy dinners, family arrangement, birthday parties (30 per year now they’re at school) … me time – what is me time!

But me time IS a priority – you are so much to so many people, if you aren’t well and stable, how can you continue to give from an empty pot. Your health is a priority, physical and mental. But escaping on your own can be impossible – a gym membership with a baby is basically unheard of!

So, what is the answer – you have to make others, even children fit around your schedule sometimes. Giving yourself a 1 hour block a day to do a workout, have a bath etc – will your hour get disrupted, yes more than likely frequently… but don’t let that stop you! Don’t not workout because you have the children, workout because you have the children, let them watch, join in, use the, as a weight. After a while it will become familiar, probably will still be disrupted but plan in advance. Take the kids to the loo, prepare snacks and toys, even ban the ipad for the whole day until its your hour block then let them youtube to their hearts content.

But don’t forget you! You mum are important! Don’t just find the time, make the time! Also set realistic expectations, your body isn't going to bounce right back, you might not sleep properly for a little while, you may even go a week without washing your hair ... for every success, appreciate it and applaud yourself for a job well done! Use your hour wisely lol

Then after you can go back to the chaos that is everybody else x

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